It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips.
Franki Durbin (via perfect)
Why the fuck don’t I have a fairly odd parent?
Maybe you did but you didn’t need them anymore, so they erased your memory like they normally would.
in 7th grade we had this german teacher who immigrated to america from Germany about 23 years ago and one guy in my class thought it would be funny to ask him “Hey, because you’re german does that make you a Nazi?” and in a very thick german accent he replies “Hey, because you’re a white american boy, does that make you a slaveholder?” and the kid never tried to be funny in that class again
i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation
i agree bethany
who the fuck is bethany
If this gets 3 million notes I’ll make a dress out of these
And wear it to the nearest major city
SIGNAL BOOST AND IF IT GETS TO FOUR MILLION YOU’VE GOT TO MAKE A TIARA THAT MATCHES.
YOU’RE GONNA REGRET PUTTING THIS ON TUMBLR
OMG I’VE NOT BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE THE FLUFFY CHICKEN POST